The Big Pitch :: The Big Pitch is a dynamic competition where the UKs most talented, up and coming filmmakers pitch their film ideas to win the largest feature film production prize in the UK. Who wins - You decide.

Julia Davis joins our cast!!!

Hello everyone, we're now in Newcastle for the big day. We are pitching today at 17:30 (you can still vote until then). Yesterday Gary got a call from the fabulous Julia Davis (NIGHTY NIGHT) saying that pending availability, she was coming on board our film. We are thrilled!

Wish us luck, the winner should be announced tonight.

Thanks for all your support along the way.

Love

Celine & Gary

Exciting Casting News!

Hey there,

We're excited to announce the first 2 cast who have beamed up to the mothership: Nick Mohammed will play David Gomez-Goldman and Arnab Chandra will play his colleague 'Arnab' (to read more about their characters in the film, please scroll down to the bottom of our page). Both are from the original cast of "Splitting Cells", the comedy horror I made for the BBC last year which inspired 'The Brightness' and the 2 parts were created specifically for them so I'm delighted they'll be coming back to play, only this time as the movie's central double act.

Both were outstanding improvisers on "Splitting Cells" which is again vital as the full cast and I will, were we to win this competition, spend the first 4 weeks improvising the existing script. I've always wanted to be the mike leigh of comedy horror as I've found the process of devising with writer-performers brings a more authentic, idiosyncratic, visionary voice to the characters.

Both Nick and Arnab have also made names for themselves on the stand-up circuit (Arnab's currently supporting Simon Amstell on his national tour) and in numerous roles on television. They both also come from a rich mix of cultural heritages which is vital for The Brightness as the only people who survive the apocalyptic ending are those without white skins (sorry to give away the ending but there's a twist don't you worry).

On a separate note, 2 years ago I made a conscious decision to stop reading newspapers and watching the news on television. Almost instantly my optimism, faith and joy in life returned. It appears the sole purpose of news reports is to engender fear, hopelessness and helplessness in the mass populaces of the world in order to make them easier to control and more likely to consume. Last night I picked up a copy of the Independent for the first time in 25 months. Over 2 hours I read 53 articles designed solely to terrify or depress me.

It seems the artificial light of tv news has replaced the campfire our ancestors sat round to share news on the day's events.

Which got me thinking that if you imagine every national newspaper is a person sitting round a campfire telling the stories in its pages then you'd pretty soon be thinking 'what the fuck am I doing listening to these whinging, depressing bastards - I'm outta here!'

And that is why The Brightness is partly about how Television News will eventually lead to our civilization's annihilation.

Look out for further casting announcements in the next week.

Love,

Gary

WELCOME TO ALL THE NEWBIES

So Big Day for the Big Pitch today: voting has started! Gulp, gulp, gulp and gulp again.

If you're new to the website and haven't decided who to vote for yet, find out about our project by going to the bottom of this page and familiarize yourselves with our rather difficult to control characters. And work your way up.

We'll be posting some more stuff soon (in particular some casting news we're very excited about) but if you have any question you'd like to ask us and any suggestion of topics you'd like to discuss, then shoot!

I've raher enjoyed reading everybody else's blog. It's yet another great way to waste more time on the internet. Hurrah!

Night night.

Celine

2012 and all that.

As you many of you know, the mighty Roland Emmerich has come up with his own version of the much talked about 2012 events and called it ... well "2012".

Let's watch the teaser trailer (the clip below doesn't work for eveyone so please click on treaser trailer above and that should do the trick:

Wicked.  I wonder if there will be HOPE at the end of "2012", somehow I think there will be. The end of THE DAY AFTER TOMORROW is a classic, you have to give Emmerich credit, White American folks working for the Mexicans, cleaning their laundry and mowing their lawns? Genius! And I suspect "2012" will also feature Britons dying stoically in the streets of London, probably whilst checking out the latest weather forecast. After all whilst the world was freezing to death in THE DAY AFTER TOMORROW, they were watching Ruud Van Nistelrooy score against Boca Juniors as one would do in these circumstances.

The trailer asks a very important question: "How would the governments of our planet prepare 6 billion people for the end of the world?". "They wouldn't" it says. Well of course they wouldn't because let's face it whether it happens in 2012 or not, hardly anyone is going to be taken by surprise by this. We're all going to be hiding in our i-shuttles with our i-phones and our i-food and our i-prozac, protecting our i-babies so they can live a better life on the brand new i-earth. In other words, we'll be fine. Right?

Anyway I bet there's at least one shot in this film which will cost as much as the entire budget for the winner of THE BIG PITCH. Which goes back to my point earlier on this blog, that there's no point trying to imitate Hollywood, they do it all much better than us. So Gary and I won't be trying to, we're going to make you laugh about the end of the world damn it (and ok maybe try to scare you a little too ... ok fine a lot).

So why 2012? It's all the Mayans' fault you see. The date December 21st, 2012 A.D., represents an extremely close conjunction of the Winter Solstice Sun with the crossing point of the Galactic Equator (Equator of the Milky Way) and the Ecliptic (path of the Sun), what that ancient Maya recognized as the Sacred Tree. This is an event that has been coming to resonance very slowly over thousands and thousands of years. It will come to resolution at exactly 11:11 am GMT. You've been warned. But don't be scared, whilst some forecast the apocalypse, others believe that 2012 is when humanity will be elevated to a higher level of spirituality. In other words, we'll all be friends!

I knew there'd be hope somewhere. 

Speak soon,

 

Celine

ps: Plan your social calendar for your last year on earth with a little help from Wikipedia!

 

OPEN FORUM

Dear followers of THE BRIGHTNESS,

Another rainy and grey weekend, we thought we'd start an open forum for the weekend. Feel free to ak us any question about our project, us or anything film or TV related you feel might be worth discussing.

All the best,

Celine & Gary

 

 

If we could be as good as this

Tonally this marvelous clip from (one of) my favourite websites is pretty close to what we'd like to achieve with THE BRIGHTNESS. Enjoy!

And I know it's not what you want to hear in these new times of Hope and Optimism (well in America really) but on December 20th 2012, when our film commences, Sarah Palpig and Norris Jobson (apparently we're not allowed to use the real names) are very much leading the United States of America and the Divided Kingdom respectively (lots of stuff happened between now and then, we'll fill you in) ...

Speak soon,

Celine

FIN DES INTRODUCTIONS, LET'S GET DOWN TO BUSINESS!

Hello followers of the Brightness,

It is tradition to save the best for last but I'm afraid this time around, you've been left with the producer, who as we know nobody really cares about  - unless you're a producer yourself in which case my condolences to you too.

Several facts about me: I'm carrying 15% too much body fat (as calculated by Health Central), I'm 49% Jewish and 75% French (you know the people affectionately known as cheese-eating surrender monkeys - is it affectionate right?). I am a 100% devoted film buff - and particularly a lover of someone who had a lot more body fat than me, Alfred Hitchcock. I am 110% committed to British Cinema and wishes that it didn't try to emulate (bad) American Cinema as often as it does (I wish I could name names but I'm not going to otherwise I'll be deported, look what happened to Russell Brand). I think you people are funny, witty, weird and eccentric and that's what I'd like to see reflected on the big screen. I know, I know you're going to tell me that British Cinema has never been more successful:  Mamma Mia, Quantum of Solace,The Dark Knight, what a year for "British" Cinema hey? But if you say that, it's probably because you're the bloke at the UK Film Council Research and Statistics Unit who keeps telling us every year how brilliantly everyone has done. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not going after the UKFC here, I'm glad they're here to support us but as far as I'm concerned if we really want to conquer the world with our cinema, we're going to have to try a little harder and bit a little bolder. Like the Mexicans or the Germans for example (not to mention the cheese-eating surrendering monkeys, they're not doing too bad either). 

And this is why I am proud to be working on THE BRIGHTNESS: because it is different, funny, disgusting, politically incorrect, outrageous and tender all at the same time, because it isn't going to be everyone's cup of tea but if enough people - and in particular John Waters - like it, then we'll be happy. And really because Gary teaches me lots about all sorts of illegal substances. It's been a great adventure so far, and we're hoping that we'll be able to make announcements about our wonderful cast very shortly. Watch this space!

Salut, Super, Bof et han-han to you mes amis.

 

Celine

WILL ALL FICTIONAL CHARACTERS PLEASE SHUT UP!!!

Right. So now I’ve put a lid on that lot I can introduce you to the man and woman behind them: I’m Gary, the writer/director of The Brightness. Here are 21 random facts about me which are relevant to the project:

I’m a gay pagan Jew – which means I believe we are all God and She is wonderful; I run healing seminars in Brazil twice a year with the world’s strongest plant hallucinogen, Ayahuasca – my belief that visionary plants might one day save the world is neatly nestled in the heart of the film; I spent the first 17 years of my life in Johannesburg  and did half my BA in Jerusalem and the other half in Sheffield so I’ve always felt most at home with other aliens; My MA dissertation was called ‘The Transformation of The Brown Goddess’ and was about the use of the imagery of shit in poetry – it’s amazing what you can find when you look hard enough;  I own a television production company called Brown Eyed Boy that makes documentaries, sitcoms and sketch shows for Channel 4 and the BBC; I’ve been living in London for the past 17 years and I walk my Weimaramer every day on Hampstead Heath  which is how I keep sane;  I’m an expert outdoor raver  which is another of the great paths to sanity; I co-created Sacha Baron Cohen’s ‘Bruno’ character with him and shot his first ever TV series, starring Bruno, 10 years ago; I worked at BBC Television Centre in White City for 18 months which is why the building plays such a vital role in the film – the scariest place on Earth to feel trapped in; My favourite movie of all time is ‘The Rocky Horror Picture Show’ which was banned in South Africa and which I watched 83 times between the ages of 10 and 14; The other films which heavily influence the look and feel of ‘The Brightness’ are: ‘Saw 1-3’ and ‘City Of Lost Children’; My favourite director is Werner Herzog – in an ideal world he’d film us filming; My favourite singer is Diamanda Galas – in an ideal world she’d score the whole film; my favourite performer is the blood-letter Franko B – in an ideal world he’d play the cook, Chef, and he’d bleed for real in the film’s climax only he recently said he’d never bleed again; my favourite TV show is “The X Factor”.

‘The Brightness’ started life as a half hour comedy horror pilot for the BBC. Check it out on Youtube (this is only the first part but the rest is on the website):

I made it 18 months ago by casting 10 brilliant stand-up comics, including Andrew Lawrence; Nick Mohammed; Wil Hodgson; Ninia Benjamin and Arnab Chunda and improvising with all of them for 3 days then shooting for a further 3 days on HD. We squatted the set of Bad Girls on their down week and covered it in manure, straw and blood. There was a lot of very funny dog rape and an X- Factor final with the prisoners and the BBC weren’t entirely sure what to make of it. For me it always felt like a sketch for a movie and that is how I find myself here.

I wrote the script for the film but my intention again is to cast it entirely with amazing writer performer comics who will then make the characters and scenes their own during a 3 week improvisation with me. We will announce on this blog the talent who come on board as the next few weeks unfold. I am extremely excited. And especially to introduce you to the film’s producer, Celine, who will blog you all soon.

And as a special treat, here's the original trailer for THE ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW. They don't make them like that anymore.

Love,

Gary

DO NOT LISTEN TO THESE TWO IDIOTS, PARTICULARLY MY SON!

So you've heard my son, David, and his 'boyfriend' kvetch about their lives but now it's time for the mother! Okay – so David's technically not a gay but he may as well be. He has the worst dating record in Finchley. But then show me a Jewish girl who wants to marry a Mexican midget electrician and I'll show you a woman without limbs! And if there are any out there don't bother writing in – he does end up finding his true love in the movie. And no, of course I'm not happy - she's the mother of all shiksas! Which loosely translated means 'not of the Jewish faith'. I warned him 'If you go black, you won't come back!' And….well, you'll see! And as for my take on the Armageddon – it's simple. My father was a general in the Israeli army and he always taught me – 'If you can't beat 'em, shoot 'em'. So I bought myself a cache of heavy weaponry and made a pledge to my God and country that the next person who knocks on my front door dies. It's been a busy week!

Denise, David's unfortunate mother.

HEY THIS FILM IS ALSO ABOUT ME!

Right. So now you’ve heard the Jew rabbit on about world peace it’s time for a reality check. From the only reliable narrator in this story. I’m Arnab - David’s only real friend and work colleague and in case you’re wondering I’m a gay Canadian Indian. Which means I’m like a triple word score for a Scrabble playing Nazi. I’m not gonna lie – my favourite two things on this planet are hard drugs and hard cocks. And particularly at the same time. Personally I don’t know how or why anyone would try and live without them. I mean reality’s not only overrated but it’s entirely possible now it doesn’t even exist. According to my quantum freak Dad we live in a holographic delusion so I decided long ago to use sex and drugs as my trap door into better, safer places.

It won’t surprise you I’m quite a fan of the whole drug alphabet but if I had to name my Top 3 then that’d have to be K, E and DMT. And if you don’t know what all 3 are then it’s unlikely you and I will be meeting (or fucking) in the near future. David always says: ‘You use drugs to escape’ and I always say: ‘What’s wrong with escape if you’re in prison’. Besides which, he’s addicted to ‘America’s Next Top Model’ and you can’t honestly tell me that Ketamine’s more harmful to the brain than Tyra Banks.

Our job is brain numbingly dull but it provides a steady paycheck and no boss breathing down our necks. We mount our hybrid electric-gas steed every morning, I spark up a spliff and we service your power points whilst dreaming of the Devil finally arriving and fucking us into Kingdom Come!

Speak soon lovely people!

Arnab

• Julia Davis joins our cast!!!
• Exciting Casting News!
• WELCOME TO ALL THE NEWBIES
• 2012 and all that.
• OPEN FORUM
• If we could be as good as this
• FIN DES INTRODUCTIONS, LET'S GET DOWN TO BUSINESS!
• WILL ALL FICTIONAL CHARACTERS PLEASE SHUT UP!!!
• DO NOT LISTEN TO THESE TWO IDIOTS, PARTICULARLY MY SON!
• HEY THIS FILM IS ALSO ABOUT ME!